The baby’s mere arrival will make clear to the big boys, as nothing else has, just how much older than a baby they are. How much more they can do. They’ll teach their little sibling things. They’ll learn to be gentle. And the baby will learn to be tough. (Because they won’t always be so gentle.) They’ll all tease each other in ways that appall you. You’ll intervene when it becomes too much. But really, they’ll be toughening each other for life.
But there’s something else, and it’s big. You’ve mentioned what your husband wants and what you want. You haven’t considered what your boys might stand to gain. Yes, they will lose some of your attention, especially in the beginning.
But with just one additional child, you’ll have doubled the number of siblings each current son has. Doubled the number of relatives deeply connected to each of them for life. Doubled their sources of belonging, support, and love—of mishaps and nicknames and jokes about the teachers none of them could stand.
You won’t even have access to all of it. Some of it, they’ll preserve in their own special language, locked away from parental oversight. That’s part of the joy. Don’t try to crack the shell and examine it all. Leave it be. That’s their special world.
‘I love the idea of a big, noisy, happy family,’ writes a 35-year-old mom. But her husband ‘worries that the dynamics of three might be hard.’ Abigail Shrier weighs in.
thefp.com/p/tough-love-abiga…