I started programming opportunistically.
I went to school for music and had a ska/punk band, but that didn't pay very well. The web happened and I was comfortable on computers so taught myself webdev.
I didn't consider myself a programmer, though. I was a skater, a musician. This was just a job. I'd ride it as long as it lasted, then do something else. "I'm a smart guy", I'd tell myself. "I can learn new things".
I had a financially insecure childhood, and as a result could never really relax, even as I was earning more and more money. I always expected the bottom to drop out. When the dot-com crash came around, I wasn't surprised at all -- it was what I'd expected. I moved on. Microsoft was pushing .NET really hard so I learned that to get my next job.
I didn't consider myself a .NET programmer though, or any kind of programmer. Just a job. Bottom can drop out anytime. I'll get as much money as I can then learn the next thing.
Then web 2.0 came around and .NET started to sour. So I moved back to the web.
I was never precious about it. Over time, I did actually grow to love the work. And got more and more of my identity wrapped up in it. But at the core, always, was "this is just a job, it can end any time, I'm a smart guy, I can learn new things".
By the time 2008 came around, it was a little scarier. I'd built more of my life around programming. Committed harder. But still, because of that deep financial anxiety from childhood, I'd saved almost everything. I was prepared.
The markets crashed, but programming didn't go anywhere. It kept growing. Over decades I came to trust that. I came to finally admit to myself: I am a programmer. This is what I love. I will do this until I die.
When my kids were born, I assumed they would be programmers too. My son wrote his first JS in third or fourth grade. He loved it. I figured he'd be safe. Software was eating the world. I grew complacent.
How ironic that here now, after 3 decades, the thing I worried about all those years ago finally arrived. Programming, the way we've done it for almost a century, is dying.
The old defense mechanism is still there though. A little dusty, but I can brush it off. This was just a job. I'm a smart guy. I can learn new things. I am not (just) a programmer.