Bad at hydrangeas. Ibuprofen enthusiast. We write jokes here.
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I haven’t licked an envelope in over two decades without thinking of George Costanza.
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Twitter is fun because you can make a joke about cookies and someone will accuse you of rage-baiting and block you.
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Sex is fine, but have you ever had a warm chocolate chip cookie, fresh from the oven?
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your other mom retweeted
I'm sorry but this burger tastes like four guys at the most.
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your other mom retweeted
Every time my phone rings and I see “potential spam” I’m relieved.
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your other mom retweeted
We can put a man on the moon, but we can't have a proper windshield wiper setting.
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I hope this email finds you cold and shamed lying naked on the floor illusion never changed into something real wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
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your other mom retweeted
Dear companies, please stop emailing me that you updated your terms of service. I didn’t read them in the first place and I won’t read them now.
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