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I have reached the age where 'going crazy' means forgetting why I walked into the kitchen.
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I need a moment of silence for all the plans I cancelled because I was too lazy.
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I'm allergic to responsibilities and early mornings.
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Trying to adult is like trying to build IKEA furniture without the instructions.
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I'm not saying I'm dramatic, but missing my favorite show feels like a tragedy.
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I need a vacation from the stress of planning a vacation.
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I just want to fast-forward life until it's time to go back to sleep.
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I love how 'I'll do it tomorrow' is my lifetime warranty against responsibility.
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Can I press the 'skip intro' button on this week?
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Waking up early should be classified as a extreme sport.
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I put the 'pro' in procrastinate.
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If laziness was an Olympic sport, I’d still be too lazy to compete.
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People say 'don't look back,' but my past mistakes are comedy gold.
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I'm fluent in sarcasm and making terrible life choices.
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My brain: Let's overthink everything until you can't sleep. Sound like a plan?
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I'm at the point in life where a nap is no longer a luxury, it's an emergency survival strategy.
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I need a mute button for real life.
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Netflix asking 'Are you still watching?' is the digital equivalent of a disappointed parent.
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I need a 6-month vacation, twice a year.
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