"A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing. Those who lack humor are without judgment and should be trusted with nothing." - Clive James
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"I've recently taken up 10 pin bowling, Harry. A fascinating muggle sport. Have you had the chance to try it...? Ah, well.
Of course, my version has Dobby as first pin. I had originally tried "Golfing", but, alas, Dobby makes for a terrible golf ball."
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"Would you like to go fishing on the Lake with me, Harry Potter?"
"Errr. Sure, Luna. I didn't really know you could fish the lake, though. What are we trying to catch?"
"If we hook on Dobby for bait, we might drag up one of the Merpeople, or even the Giant Squid!"
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"HAARRRY POTTTEEEERRR!!!!!! WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU SPENT ALL NIGHT IN THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS DOING FORBIDDEN SEX MAGIC WITH MISS MALFOY?!!? YOU TURNED YOURSELVES INTO METAMORPHMAGI?! F CUP TITS? A 9 INCH COCK? WHAT THE FUCK IS A FUTANARI? 3000 POINTS TO GRYFFINDOR! BRING ME DOBBY!"
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"Now, Harry, I just have some questions about the treatment of Elves here at Hogwarts. Some students have written home, and parents have a right to know!"
"Err, yes, it's quite bad here... just the other day Dumbledore let Dobby off with only 50 lashes for burning a roast..."
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"Perfect! Hold that pose there, this'll make front page of the Prophet for sure!
Can you believe they wanted to hire a fucking Goblin to shoot these pictures? We saw him coming in. Bombarda'd him right into the fuckin' lake. On three, say "Roundhouse kick a goblin baby!" "
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GreekTweeterV2 retweeted
"Have you perhaps considered that the 12 year olds simply *wanted* group sex with 49 year old Pakistani Muslims, Ms. Granger? Hem-hem! That will be detention for spreading anti-ministry lies! Writing "White men commit more gang rape than Muslims" 100 times ought to teach you!"
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"Now that you are all fed and watered, may I propose a toast? To Mister Harry Potter, for his upcoming wandpoint wedding, and the birth of his and Miss Malfoys 100% pureblood children. Twins, I'm told!
anywho, BRING IN THE DOBBY PIÑATA AND THE BEATER'S BATS! ENJOY, CHILDREN!"
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"HARRRRRYYYY POTTTTTEEERRRRRRRR!!!!!! DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT USE THE INVITRO FERTILIZATION SPELL ON MISS MALFOIDS BARELY LEGAL CUNNY?!?! HER FATHER IS IN MY OFFICE THIS VERY MOMENT BEATING DOBBY WITH A QUIDDITCH BAT. EVERY EMBRYO TOOK, IT'S TRIPLETS YOU LITTLE SHIT! 5000 POINTS!"
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"Good Merlin, Harry. I laughed when you threw Dobby to the Merpeople strung up with powerbait. I had a cheeky giggle when you transfigured his balls into 40 pound lead weights. But convincing Hagrid that Dobby was a new type of Fleshlight?
10,000 points to Gryffindor."
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"Yes... Mr. Potter... we received a tip from Goblin Netanyahu in our overseas Divination branch that you were scheduled to have a cute first meeting with a Miss... Malfoy, which would set the stage for a perfect romance during your school years. That has been stopped. Shalom."
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GreekTweeterV2 retweeted
The goblins at Gringotts told me they will never let you have this
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"Sirius, the Marauders Map is amazing, a real marvel of magic..."
"Thanks, Harry. Took us a long time to perfect."
"Just... why are there bananas and vines around Snape and Hermione's names?"
"In magic, there are... laws, Harry. The principle here is called the "One Drop Rule"
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"It was my mother, you see, Potter. When it came out she had dosed my father, a filthy muggle, with Ketamortentia, she was ruined, her reputation destroyed. So she spun a new story. Rape. She was raped. It wasnt her fault. It was that filthy muggle! I BELIEVE WOMEN, POTTER!!!"
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"Hello Harry Potter, is the lesson over already?"
"Err, sorry Luna, I wanted to talk to Cho... alone maybe?"
"Ohhhh. Daddy told me about this disorder. Those who consume the Tasmanian Chinkering Fruit can be stricken with the Fever. You may want to see Madame Pomfrey!"
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"What eez goeng on ovair zere? Zat Malfoid girl eez undair la tabuhl, I can see lé invisibilitay cloak slippeng off her. What eez she doéng to Harry Pottair?... oh my!"
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"Oh, hello Ginevra. Is the Nargle bothering you? Daddy told me spells to get rid of them. One plays classical music from your wand. Another conjures a sweet purple drink to distract them."
"Um. No, Luna, we're fine..."
"Oh. You're like the train!"
"What?"
"Burning coal!"
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