It’s the kind of grief that tears you in half and sets you on fire. I don’t know how else to describe what I felt when I heard confirmation that Charlie was dead. It was as if the floor had been pulled out from beneath me and I was falling through the earth itself.
It hurt to move. It hurt to eat. Every time I tried to speak during that first week, the grief caught in my throat, and I felt as though I would choke on my own tears. I think about him every single day. I miss him deep in my bones. Everything is worse.
I knew immediately that America, and the conservative movement as a whole, would never be the same. I’m devastated to have been right. The past year has felt like one long gnashing of teeth: dark, hopeless, and demoralizing. The person who kept everyone in check is gone, and what has followed feels like a free-for-all of relentless abuse, torment, and destruction directed at the people Charlie loved most in this world. I wish I could tie a hopeful ribbon about America or conservatism around this post, but I can’t. Others will have something encouraging to say today. I do not.
The only way I know to end this is by reminding you that, on the evening of September 9, Charlie had no idea it would be his last night on earth. Many people are facing that same reality tonight without knowing it. If this were your last night on earth, do you know what would happen after you died? Charlie did. He knew Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior, and I believe he is in heaven for eternity.
You could give millions of dollars to charity, love America, vote conservative, be a wonderful mother or father, eat well, spend time in nature, and volunteer with children and still not enter heaven if you have not accepted Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior and repented of your sins.
You might say, “That isn’t fair, Alex. How can you say that a good person wouldn’t be in heaven?” But I am not the author of that truth. God is.
That is the beauty of Christianity: it isn’t about jumping through hoops or proving that you are a good person through works or merit. None of us is good on our own; only God is good. We are sinners in need of a Savior, so God sent His Son, Jesus, to die on the cross for our sins. And God has made the way clear: believe, repent, and you will know where you will go when you die. It is that simple. In the end, that was what Charlie cared about most: that you would know Jesus, too. And I just want to honor CK today by reminding you of that.
Thank you to those of you who never stopped praying for and loving on Erika, their children, and TPUSA the past year. There is a famous quote you probably know from Mr. Rodgers about looking for the helpers after great tragedy. Whether it was restaurants who provided staff with food, children praying during bedtime, sending us cards and letters, or even defending us on social media…If that was you, you were a helper of Erika and TPUSA and your name is engraved on my heart until the day I die.
For Charlie 🇺🇸,
Alex